The Best Dog I've Ever... Okay, I can stand him. For Now.

I learned alot of new things this week... Such things as: my 5 month old is not ready for rice cereal. We tried it. She hated, despised, and wanted nothing to do with said rice cereal. It was cute to watch though...
    I learned that she can roll around the living room (oh, joy.) all by herself, after nearly yelling at the boy for ROLLING her across the floor, which we have discussed. Then I saw her continue her journey. I'm glad I didn't yell.
 
Also, I learned that despite having the mental capacity of a walnut, we really do have a great dog... I wouldn't trade him for all the sticks of butter in the world! I've learned that hes a terrible watch dog, not because he DOESN'T warn you, but because he warns you too much! I'll give you an example of his smoosh-brainedness:

Ice (Our American Bulldog): BAAAAAAAAAARARAAARARARARARARARARAAAAAH! *menacing growl, hackles up*
Me: (runs from kitchen to living room expecting to see a masked man with a bloody axe in hand climbing through my window) Oh my gosh! What IS  it dog?!
I look out the window to see what he sees... a group. Of. Squirrels? Happy squirrels. Not even squirrels intent on revenge. Squirrels with no hint of malice or murder in their eyes. Just. Plain. Squirrels. Frolicking through some leaves. Squirrels are out of sight now, and he's STILL growling. At what?
Me: Oh come on, the LEAVES?! REALLY? You're growling at LEAVES.
Ice: Lays down wagging, happy to have done his duty. He protected his house from those dangerous LEAF CREATURES!

The reason I wouldn't trade him is not because hes a fantabulous watch-animal, but because he's amazing with my kids! If you're over 4 feet tall, you can't trust him unless you know him, for hes a bity jerk. But he needed to be protective when we lived in our last neighborhood, and he retained that. Anyone knocks on the door, he will threaten to take their hand off. He's a galumphing idiot, but he knows how to avoid knocking kids over. And he 'protects' the baby from the cat. Our cat goes anywhere NEAR her, he bites him in the head. And I can put her on the floor without fear of trampling or puncture wounds. The other day I checked on her only to realize she was sound asleep with a handful of the dog's ear in clenched in her tiny fist... and he wasn't doing anything but looking confused. Which, if you know my dog, is how he usually looks anyway. He made no attempt to pull away from her, or bite her, or disturb her sleep... He DID get drool on her arm, but hey, he gets drool on everything... My three-year-old tries to make him into some kind of horse daily, and he just puts up with it like its his job... Which he does better than his watch-doggery career...

You Know You're in Love...

They should really write a book about what to expect after you've given birth. You know, the crazy stuff that happens to you once the baby is HERE. They have books about getting pregnant, what to expect when you ARE pregnant, and what to expect from the BABY after it is born...but what about what to expect from your body after the baby is born? Like, the crazy things your body does to try to get back to it's old self. How you're moodier than when you were pregnant, and you might break out like you did in 9th grade... Maybe after baby, every thing your husband does will make you want to cry - good or bad! And why don't people prepare you for how much hair you're going ot lose? It's amazing to me that I still have hair at all, at the rate I'm losing it! The only thing that I think would make me lose hair at a faster rate would be... radiation poisoning, perhaps? THESE are the things I would tell expectant mothers: buy Kleenex, Noxema, and a hair trap for your shower. You will need it. Don't expect too much from your body, it WILL stage a coup. If you can, sleep when the baby is sleeping. You will learn to fall asleep at a second's notice, and wake up to the sound of a squeak! If it's hungry, feed it. And feeding is SUCH a time of bonding and cuddles. Don't prop a bottle and walk away... Also, you will be AMAZED at the amount of time you spend bent over. Hire a live-in chiropractor. You will be bent in half alot. Babies are tiny! Diapers are waaaaay down there. They need to be bathed waaay down there. And if you're tall, like me, it's an even farther bend! If you think he's cute now, just wait til he smiles. If you think her smile is cute, wait til she laughs! And if you think THAT'S cute, wait til that baby is covered from hair to toes in strained peas, and then gives you a huge smile. You're in trouble... See that little finger? You are wrapped around it, and that baby knows it. You've NEVER been in love like this before...

Hair Adventures

Last night my husband and I (and the little ones) were getting ready to head out. Since we had some time, I decided to dry and straighten my freshly washed hair... Now, if any of you have ever SEEN my hair, you know how very much of it I have. Its thick, its unruly, and there is a whole lot of it. It isn't terribly long, at this point, but drying AND straightening it is an overwhelming undertaking that I usually save for special occasions... And then I leave it like that for as long as I can!
So, as I was running around like crazy, getting everybody ready, getting the feeling back in my arms and shoulders (hold your arms above your head for at least 45 minutes... you'll see what I mean) and making the boy a "sammich" to bring along, I quickly bent over to get the jam out of the fridge. There is a counter directly next to the fridge, which has our toaster on it. What do you put on toast? Butter. Exactly. So, completely unaware, I FLING my hair through a room-temperature stick of butter. "Grooooooooooss! What is on my ARM?! Butter? What the heck?! Where did THAT come from? My...my hair? OH come ON!!" And we had to leave. Then. So I wiped as much butter out of my hair as I could with a handy kitchen towel, and left! There was butter on my arm, the back of my neck, and on my shirt as well. I was able to keep the butter off the baby, lucky me, and there was a lovely added sheen on that side of my head for the night, but for some reason, all I wanted was popcorn! And upon returning home, I discovered the dog ate the stick of butter and most of the wrapper out of the garbage while we were out! Great!! I don't even want to know what kind of sloppy mess I'll have to clean up after when his bowels decide to rebel...

Moral of the story: Don't... keep butter on your counter? Don't... bend over without pondering the consequences? Maybe... shave your head to avoid ridiculous scenarios of nasty hair dilemmas? Take from this what you will.

Also, Free dog, to good home. Without butter.

What a Tangled Web We Weave...

I hate tangled yarn. There isn't much in the world that I actually HATE, but hopelessly knotted yarn is one of those things... I hate it when my dishwasher gives up on me. I hate it when the dog flings drool around the room. I hate cicadas. And I HATE a ridiculously chaotic muss of yarn. Some woodworkers say "The wood just speaks to me". Painters may say "The brush told me what it wanted to paint". My yarn speaks to me too. Its saying ''Nanny nanny boo boo! I'm a hopeless MESS!" And I actually love detangling things! But 16 hours on one skein of yarn is a little ridiculous... It makes me want to give up. A wad of fibers is a hopeless cause. But it makes me think... God doesn't give up on us, no matter how tangled our lives our, how 'hopeless' our cause. Other words for tangled are: disordered, complicated, difficult, mixed up, confused, twisted, and TRAPPED. Are you going through any of those in your life? God has more patience than I. He wants to work in your life, and make you free! But you have to cooperate more than a 'knotty' ball of yarn! (This yarn looks like my cat got into it, and then had a seizure. And a dance competition. With himself.) But I will prevail! Sometime God uses things like cotton string to teach us patience...